I know that some people might feel abandonment of the Lord, when prayers are not answered, but, my issue was not a feeling of abandonment, rather, I felt that my prayers would specifically result in very severe rebukes or even in diametrically opposite results of what I had prayed.
Consequently, I began to withdraw from offering all heartfelt and deep spiritual prayers. Psychologically, my prayer aversion was compounded when shortly after my halt to offering prayers, the desired results that I had hoped for, were achieved.
I know, logically my prayers were technically answered in a "miracle".
Nevertheless, the fact that the negative association, in my mind, was previously made to my prayer, i.e. "prayer = bad result", and my decision to stop praying allowed for an association of "non-prayer = good result".
Now, I am trying to erase the faulty logic that I gave an opportunity to develop.
I trust that God is good and that He wants the best for me.
I just need to start praying again, and let God rewrite my failed logic.
But whenever you pray, go into your room, close the door, and pray to your Father who is hidden. And your Father who sees from the hidden place will reward you.
