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I just haven't posted anything in a while and want to make sure I don't lose this blog because of inactivity, or worse.

Oratiophobia: Overcoming my stuggle with prayer

This last weekend I finally confessed where struggle with prayers began and why they exist. I am trying to overcome "oratiophobia." That word is made up for this post. I developed a fear of personally praying to the Lord, because of a specific set of incidents that occurred when I was in my early 40s. There were events occurring that troubled me deeply in personal ways of faith and family life.
I know that some people might feel abandonment of the Lord, when prayers are not answered, but, my issue was not a feeling of abandonment, rather, I felt that my prayers would specifically result in very severe rebukes or even in diametrically opposite results of what I had prayed.
Consequently, I began to withdraw from offering all heartfelt and deep spiritual prayers. Psychologically, my prayer aversion was compounded when shortly after my halt to offering prayers, the desired results that I had hoped for, were achieved.
I know, logically my prayers were technically answered in a "miracle".
Nevertheless, the fact that the negative association, in my mind, was previously made to my prayer, i.e. "prayer = bad result", and my decision to stop praying allowed for an association of "non-prayer = good result".
 Now, I am trying to erase the faulty logic that I gave an opportunity to develop.
I trust that God is good and that He wants the best for me.
I just need to start praying again, and let God rewrite my failed logic.

But whenever you pray, go into your room, close the door, and pray to your Father who is hidden. And your Father who sees from the hidden place will reward you.

Lord, can you make it easy for me?

Why doesn't my brain work right? I don't calculate well. Order is not my thing, and unfortunately, chaos is my native language.

²¹ So He said to them, “How is it you do not understand?”

Grown up, Mature, or Perfect

The Message paraphrase version NT
Mt 5:48  “In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”

This passage is in context of loving our enemies, shown in the NKJV below.

Love Your Enemies

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor^[g] and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,^{[h] 45} that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. ⁴⁶ For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? ⁴⁷ And if you greet your brethren^[i] only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors^[j] do so? ⁴⁸ Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.

 In most translations, including the NKJV, you can see that the word translated in verse 48 is "perfect", as in "...you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect."

The Message version paraphrases the Koine Greek word "τέλειοι" as 'Grow up'. Its an interesting thing about the word. Because, depending on the context, it can be translated as "perfect", "complete", and/or "mature". 
Obviously, the translators of The Message took the meaning to be "mature", when they considered the context. 

However, they are not alone in translating the word differently. The Bible In Basic English as well as Weymouth New Testament versions, translate τέλειοι as "complete". 

If you think about how the Greek language applied the term, it really makes more sense to think that Jesus is saying that His disciples will be mature or complete, in the way we are to love one another. We are to be just like God the Father. He is mature and complete in His expression of love to mankind, who have rebelled and made ourselves enemies of the Him. 

Eric Burdon/War - Spill the wine

Jeff Beck - Loose Cannon

A good song to put on and just go for a drive..., especially if you like to drive fast and you've got bogies on your 6.

Stay

I found this artist via Steve Winwood's youtube channel. In 2010, he had a contest for the best cover of his 1969 song with the band Blind Faith. Brenna Fitzgerald won the contest and that is how I came by this video.